I unexpectedly (and reluctantly) moved back to my hometown. I unexpectedly fell for an old high school classmate, and he unexpectedly proposed to me. We unexpectedly found out I was pregnant, and we got married sooner than expected. Now, we're experiencing the unexpected daily...the good, the bad, the funny, the frustrating. Read all about it...

Friday, October 8, 2010

The Kind of Mother I Hope to Be

Jamari is two months today, and so this has prompted me to think about the kind of mother I hope to be when he gets older.

I want to be a parent with whom Jamari can relate. Meaning, I would never pretend that I hadn't made mistakes Jamari might eventually make. I would never make him feel like I don't understand what he is going through, if he is going through a difficult time, whether it be with a girlfriend, school, or friends. I want to teach him lessons by relating his experiences to my own. I think that, by being relatable, Jamari will know that he can talk to me about anything because I will talk to him about anything.

I grew up not knowing very much at all about my parents' experiences when they were younger. I'm not sure if they are hiding anything, or if they just don't feel comfortable talking to me about their lives prior to being married. My dad has little stories he shares about his 22 1/2 years serving in the US Navy. My mom has never spoken about her life as a nursing student. The  three of us and my brother all lived in the same house but hardly know each other. I do not want to be like this with Jamari because if I am uncomfortable talking to him, then he will be uncomfortable talking to me.

I will never make Jamari feel like a failure, even if he has failed. If he were to come home with a failing grade, of course I will let him know that I am disappointed. However, instead of punishing him, I would offer my help or suggest ways he can improve his grades. Trust me, he may not get punished for an F, but I'm sure there will be many, many other reasons he will be on punishment! I just personally don't believe it makes sense to punish someone who failed a class or a test, unless outside factors, like hanging out with friends when he should be studying, influenced the grade.

I want to be able hang out with Jamari without him thinking it's uncool. There may come a time when he'll feel like a loser hanging out with his mom at the mall, but until then (hopefully that won't ever happen!), I will take advantage of spending time with him.  I doubt he'll ever be embarrassed hanging out with me because most likely we'll spend our time together playing sports or going to the gym or watching movies at home.

I don't want Jamari to think I am too old to do anything with him or for him. I tried getting my mom to do things that I thought would be cool, but she pulled the "old age" card even when she wasn't that old. She still isn't old, but she aged herself mentally.

If Jamari wants to stay out late at night a couple of weekends, I'll let him. As long as my husband and I teach him right from wrong, I know I can never monitor his every move, and coming home at a reasonable time never prevents a kid from doing something he shouldn't. Besides, I do not want to rob him of what could potentially be the best memories of his life.

Today, Jamari is two months, and I am so grateful God has given me a chance to be a mother, and to see this face every day:

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